“Grief is not a project—it’s a process. And love is found in the details.”
When Sarah’s father died unexpectedly, her mind went blank. The hospital handed her a folder. Friends asked questions. She felt the pressure to do something, but all she wanted was a moment to breathe.
This guide is for the Sarahs of the world—for anyone quietly carrying the weight of love and loss, who needs a clear, gentle starting point.
📑 Table of Contents
(Additional resources follow after Step 10)
🫁 1. Take a Breath
Grief clouds the mind. It’s okay—necessary, even—to pause before making decisions. It’s normal if your mind feels scattered—this is your body’s natural response to loss.
- Try this grounding technique: Inhale 4 seconds → Hold 4 → Exhale 6.
Even a single intentional breath can shift your body out of “crisis mode” and into a place where decisions feel less overwhelming.
📣 2. Notify Loved Ones
Start with those who must know immediately—close family, legal representatives, and anyone who will help coordinate arrangements. Pausing to breathe between calls is perfectly okay.
Tip: Use a shared group chat or document so everyone stays informed without repeated calls.
🧾 3. Understand Your Role
Uncertainty about your role is common; clarity now can save heartache later.
- Next of kin: Legally responsible for final arrangements.
- Executor: Manages the estate and financial matters.
- Supporting family member: Assists without legal authority.
“You may need a death certificate before accessing accounts or making formal plans.” – Federal Trade Commission
💰 4. Set a Budget
Discussing money during grief can feel uncomfortable; remember, budgeting is an act of stewardship, not disrespect.
- Simple cremation: $1,000–$3,000
- Traditional burial: $7,000–$12,000+
These are U.S. averages; rural areas may be lower, large cities higher.
- Life insurance: May cover part or all costs.
- Prepaid plan: Some or all arrangements already paid.
- Contributions: Family/friends pooling resources.
“Under the FTC Funeral Rule, you have the right to request a detailed General Price List.” – FTC.gov
⚱️ 5. Choose Burial or Cremation
This decision affects cost, timing, and emotional meaning. Some cultures and faiths have strong traditions—lean on them if they bring comfort, or choose what aligns with your family’s values and finances.
Tip: If unsure, ask your funeral director to walk through the practical and cultural implications.
🏛️ 6. Select a Funeral Home
- Call at least 2–3 options.
- Ask for their General Price List.
- Notice how you’re treated—respect and patience matter.
If this step feels intimidating, bring a trusted friend or family member to help take notes and ask questions. Choose a place where you feel heard, informed, and never rushed.
📅 7. Pick a Service Type
- Traditional: Structured service, often with viewing.
- Graveside: Shorter, held entirely at the burial site.
- Memorial: Days, weeks, or months later—more flexible and personal.
Choosing a service can stir emotions—this is a deeply personal choice with no right or wrong.
🎨 8. Personalize with Meaning
- Favorite music or readings
- Clothing or accessories meaningful to them
- Symbols of faith or culture
- Photo displays, video tributes, or keepsake tables
Personalization can help mourners feel more connected, aiding emotional processing and healing (Worden, 2009).
📕 9. Prepare Programs & Keepsakes
- Name and life dates
- Favorite quotes, scripture, or poetry
- Photos
- Order of service
Even a simple printed handout can become a cherished keepsake. Solviah offers templates to help you start.
🧭 10. Plan for Aftercare
- Thank-you cards: Acknowledge kindness and support.
- Estate tasks: Complete legal and financial responsibilities.
- Grief support: Consider groups, therapy, or pastoral care.
- Anniversaries/traditions: Keep meaningful rituals alive.
It’s common to feel an emotional “crash” after the service—planning for aftercare can help you navigate that stage.
📋 Funeral Planning Checklist
- Take a grounding breath
- Notify close family and legal contacts
- Confirm your role and responsibilities
- Choose burial or cremation
- Set a realistic budget
- Select a funeral home
- Pick date, time, and service type
- Personalize details
- Prepare program and keepsakes
- Plan for aftercare and ongoing support
🌼 Final Words
There is no perfect way to plan a funeral. But there is love in every thoughtful step—and that matters. You don’t have to do it all at once. And you are not alone.
At Solviah, we are here to walk with you—step by step—so you never have to face this alone.
🌿 Just a Note on Heaven
At Solviah, we respect all faiths and the many ways people find hope in loss. This space is for everyone, without pressure or persuasion.
We simply note this because it’s unusual: in the Christian faith, Heaven is described as a guaranteed promise—not through personal effort, but as a gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. For those curious, this promise is offered freely to all who wish to receive it.
The heart of it: Jesus is God incarnate. He lived a sinless life, died for our sins, and rose again. Through Him, forgiveness, freedom, and eternal life are offered—not by earning it, but by receiving it.
No one is too far gone. You are already deeply loved.
Jesus, I believe You are Lord. I receive Your forgiveness and salvation. Please lead me into new life—now and forever. Amen.
Simple Prayer of Salvation
- 🕊️ Speak with a Christian or pastor
- 📖 Begin reading the Bible (start with the book of John)
- ❓ Keep asking questions—God welcomes them
📚 References
- FTC. (2023). Shopping for Funeral Services. consumer.ftc.gov
- NFDA. (2022). Median Funeral Costs Highlights. nfda.org
- Stroebe, M., et al. (2017). Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473.
- Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy (4th ed.). Springer Publishing.
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