Category: Friends

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  Why Grief Looks Different for Everyone: Understanding Unique Grief Responses and Finding Your Path to Healing

  “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and the hollow part of your chest.” — Jamie Anderson

  Grief is universal, yet deeply personal. It weaves itself into the fabric of our lives differently for everyone. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a life-altering diagnosis, or the end of a cherished relationship, grief shows up in unexpected ways. Some cry daily, others become numb. Some dive into work, others can’t get out of bed. And that’s okay.

  Why Everyone Grieves Differently

  Grief is shaped by a constellation of factors: the nature of the loss, personality, attachment style, mental health history, support systems, spiritual beliefs, and even cultural upbringing.

  Even within families, two siblings mourning the same parent may have entirely different emotional reactions based on their role in the family, closeness with the deceased, and previous life experiences.

  Grief also varies across time. Someone may feel like they’re coping well, only to be blindsided by a wave of sadness months—or years—later.

  Breaking the Myth of the “Five Stages”

  Modern grief psychology urges us to reject the idea of neat, sequential stages. Instead, grief is nonlinear. You may bounce between emotions, revisit some, or never experience others. And that doesn’t mean you’re grieving wrong.

  Psychological Insights: What the Research Says

  • Resilience is more common than we think. Bonanno and Kaltman (2001) found that many bereaved individuals maintain stable mental health and functioning, experiencing moments of grief without becoming incapacitated by it.
  • We oscillate between loss and restoration. Stroebe, Schut, and Boerner (2017) describe the Dual Process Model, in which grievers alternate between confronting their loss and focusing on everyday life.
  • Making meaning supports healing. Neimeyer, Klass, and Dennis (2014) emphasized that those who engage in meaning-making—like creating rituals, journaling, or telling stories about the deceased—experience deeper, more integrated healing.
  • Grief is not an illness. Therapist Megan Devine reminds us, “Grief is not a problem to be solved; it’s an experience to be carried.”

  Therapeutic Coping Strategies That Honor Individual Grief

  1. Try Expressive Writing

  Backed by: Pennebaker & Beall, 1986

  Writing about your emotions helps process trauma, reduce rumination, and regulate your nervous system.

  Journal Prompt: What would you say to your loved one if you had one more day with them? Write without editing, judgment, or worrying about grammar.

  2. Practice Mindful Breathing

  Mindfulness helps anchor you during moments of emotional overwhelm and physical distress.

  Box Breathing Technique:

  • Inhale for 4 counts
  • Hold for 4 counts
  • Exhale for 4 counts
  • Hold for 4 counts

  Repeat for 3–5 minutes.

  3. Join a Grief Support Group

  Support groups normalize your experience and offer empathy from those who understand.

  Try:

  • GriefShare.org
  • Local hospice or spiritual centers
  • Online forums like Reddit’s r/griefsupport

  4. Engage in Meaning-Making Activities

  Creating something that honors your loss can transform grief into legacy.

  Ideas:

  • Start a memory garden
  • Create an annual tradition
  • Make a scrapbook or photo album
  • Volunteer in your loved one’s name

  Recommended Reading: Kessler, D. (2019). Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief

  Honoring Grief’s Diversity

  There’s no “right way” to mourn. Some people cry every morning. Others throw themselves into work. Some need quiet. Others need company. All of it is valid.

  A Deeper Kind of Healing

  Grief doesn’t end—it evolves. It becomes part of your story, your strength, your soul. Healing after loss means creating space for sorrow and joy to coexist.

  References

  • Bonanno, G. A., & Kaltman, S. (2001). The varieties of grief experience. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(5), 705–734.
  • Jordan, J. R., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2003). Does grief counseling work?. Death Studies, 27(9), 765–786.
  • Neimeyer, R. A., Klass, D., & Dennis, M. R. (2014). A social constructionist account of grief: Loss and the narration of meaning. Death Studies, 38(6), 485–498.
  • Pennebaker, J. W., & Beall, S. K. (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95(3), 274–281.
  • Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473.

  April 16, 2025

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  Coping with Grief in the Workplace: How to Heal While Navigating Work Responsibilities

  “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot.” — Jamie Anderson

  Grief doesn’t follow a schedule—and it certainly doesn’t stay at home when you return to work. Whether you’re grieving the death of a loved one, a miscarriage, or another profound loss, the emotional weight can show up in your job in unexpected and difficult ways. If you’re trying to cope with grief while working, you’re not alone—and there is support.

  According to the American Hospice Foundation, grief-related productivity loss in U.S. workplaces amounts to over $75 billion per year. But this figure isn’t just economic—it reflects the human cost of working through loss without proper grief support.

  This article explores how grief manifests in professional life and offers research-based, therapeutic strategies for healing after loss—without sacrificing your emotional wellness or job stability.

  What Grief Looks Like at Work

  Grief affects your body, brain, and behaviors—and this often shows up at work as:

  • Mental fog, forgetfulness, or difficulty concentrating
  • Fatigue or lack of motivation
  • Increased emotional sensitivity or irritability
  • Withdrawal from coworkers or social settings
  • Dread toward tasks you previously enjoyed

  These symptoms are part of the normal grieving process. However, many work environments aren’t designed to support emotional healing. You may feel pressure to “be okay” quickly or fear that vulnerability could harm your performance or reputation.

  What the Research Says: Grief and the Brain

  Grieving isn’t just emotional—it’s neurological. According to neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor (2019), grief activates the brain’s pain and attachment centers, impacting memory, decision-making, and mood regulation. That’s why tasks that used to feel easy can suddenly feel overwhelming.

  Long-term grief that goes unacknowledged can lead to Prolonged Grief Disorder, a clinical condition affecting around 10% of bereaved individuals (Prigerson et al., 2009). Symptoms can include persistent yearning, detachment, and difficulty resuming normal activities.

  Your Rights: Understanding Bereavement Leave

  Bereavement leave policies vary. In the U.S., most companies are not legally required to offer paid leave unless it’s specified in a benefits plan. However, some states (like Oregon or California) do mandate short bereavement leaves.

  Action Tip:

  • Check your employee handbook or talk to HR.
  • Ask about Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) which often include counseling.
  • If you’re uncomfortable sharing details, you can simply say, “I’m grieving a personal loss and would like to request flexible time or support.”

  Therapeutic Coping Strategies for the Workplace

  These strategies, rooted in psychology and grief counseling, can help you cope with grief at work in healthy ways:

  1. Name Your Needs

  Instead of pushing through silently, give your grief space. You can journal before work or text a trusted friend:

  “Today I’m feeling heavy. I need to take it slow.”

  Naming your emotional state activates self-awareness and self-compassion—essential tools for healing (Bonanno & Kaltman, 2001).

  2. Anchor Your Day with Micro-Rituals

  Even in grief, small routines can ground you. Try:

  • Drinking tea from a mug that reminds you of your loved one
  • Taking a walk during your break
  • Lighting a candle when you return home to symbolize reflection

  3. Use Box Breathing to Reset Emotionally

  Inhale (4 seconds) – Hold (4) – Exhale (4) – Hold (4)

  This evidence-based stress technique helps calm anxiety and increase focus. Use it before meetings, emails, or moments of overwhelm.

  4. Journal Prompt for Processing Grief

  Try this after your workday:

  “Right now, I feel… because…”

  Let yourself express the raw truth, without judgment. Writing helps shift emotions from the subconscious to conscious awareness (Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999).

  5. Talk to Someone You Trust

  Consider grief counseling, especially if you’re struggling to function. Therapy can help unpack emotional patterns and reduce the risk of isolation or burnout.

  What About Coworkers? How to Ask for Support (or Space)

  You don’t owe anyone your story—but gentle communication helps avoid misunderstandings. You might say:

  • “I’m managing a personal loss and may be a bit quieter than usual.”
  • “I appreciate your support—I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

  For Employers and Colleagues: Supporting a Grieving Team Member

  If you’re a leader or peer, here’s how you can help someone dealing with grief at work:

  • Acknowledge the loss without forcing conversation
  • Offer flexibility (deadlines, meetings, time off)
  • Avoid clichés like “everything happens for a reason”
  • Provide practical help—take on a task, check in later
  • Encourage use of EAPs or grief resources

  Recommended Resources for Healing After Loss

  • The Grieving Brain – Mary-Frances O’Connor, Ph.D.
  • Bearing the Unbearable – Joanne Cacciatore, Ph.D.
  • Option B – Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant
  • It’s OK That You’re Not OK – Megan Devine

  You Deserve Time to Grieve—Even at Work

  Grief is not weakness. It is love in transition. And love deserves room to breathe—even in boardrooms and break rooms.

  Whether you’re just returning to work or months into navigating loss in the workplace, know this: you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and with the right support, healing is possible.

References

• Bonanno, G. A., & Kaltman, S. (2001). The varieties of grief experience. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(5), 705–734. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0272-7358(00)00062-3
• O’Connor, M.-F. (2019). Grief: A Brief History of Research on How Body, Mind, and Brain Adapt. Psychosomatic Medicine, 81(8), 731–738. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000000717
• Pennebaker, J. W., & Seagal, J. D. (1999). Forming a story: The health benefits of narrative. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55(10), 1243–1254.
• Prigerson, H. G., et al. (2009). Prolonged Grief Disorder: Psychometric Validation of Criteria. PLoS Medicine, 6(8), e1000121. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000121