Grief is unique to each individual, but the initial waves often leave people feeling overwhelmed, confused, and emotionally raw. Author Anne Lamott beautifully summarizes early grief: “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken. But eventually, you will find your feet again” (Lamott, 2013). While grief is a universal experience, its personal nuances can feel isolating and perplexing. Gaining clarity about these early responses is crucial to effectively coping with grief and fostering healing after loss.
Recognizing the Early Emotional Responses
Initially, grief can arrive abruptly, causing a whirlwind of unexpected emotions. Many people report feelings of profound sadness, disbelief, anger, anxiety, guilt, or even numbness. It’s common to oscillate between emotions unpredictably, making it challenging to anticipate or manage emotional responses (Stroebe & Schut, 2010). Such unpredictability can heighten distress, especially if external pressures suggest a “right way” to grieve.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a clinical psychologist specializing in grief counseling, notes that early grief often resembles emotional shock, temporarily destabilizing one’s perception of reality. Wolfelt reassures that experiencing these intense emotions is not only normal but vital to the grieving process (Wolfelt, 2016).
Dispelling Common Grief Myths
Misconceptions about grief can compound emotional distress. Common myths include beliefs that grief gradually and predictably diminishes over time or that emotional strength equates to suppressing feelings. Research suggests, however, that emotional suppression or attempts to hasten the grieving process can lead to prolonged grief and emotional complications (Neimeyer & Sands, 2011).
Grief should instead be viewed as a natural process, where permitting oneself the freedom to authentically experience pain and sadness leads to deeper emotional healing. Effective grief support emphasizes honesty in emotional expression, whether through conversation, tears, or creative pursuits.
Research Insight: Emotional Oscillation
The Dual Process Model, developed by Stroebe and Schut (2010), provides essential insight into how people naturally handle grief. This model describes how individuals oscillate between directly addressing their loss (loss-oriented coping) and engaging in practical tasks or distractions (restoration-oriented coping). Both coping mechanisms are equally valuable and necessary during the early stages of grief. Shifting back and forth between deep emotional experiences and everyday tasks is normal and beneficial.
Therapist Megan Devine reinforces this understanding: “Grief is not linear, nor does it follow clear stages. Allowing yourself to experience fluctuating emotional states without judgment or pressure significantly contributes to long-term healing” (Devine, 2017).
Coping Strategies for Navigating Early Grief
Journaling Your Journey
Expressive writing is a widely endorsed therapeutic tool for processing grief. Journaling allows for the safe exploration and release of complicated emotions, fostering greater emotional clarity. You might start journaling with prompts such as:
- Right now, I am feeling…
- One of my favorite memories with my loved one is…
- Something left unsaid that I wish I could communicate is…
Grounding Breathing Technique
Grounding exercises help manage anxiety and overwhelming emotions. Here’s a simple breathing exercise to try:
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
- Inhale slowly for a count of four.
- Hold your breath for four counts.
- Exhale gently over six counts.
- Repeat several times until you feel calmer and more centered.
Recommended Reading for Early Grief Support
- “It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand” by Megan Devine: This insightful book challenges traditional notions about grief, validating complex emotions and advocating for authentic expression in the grieving process.
- “Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief” by Martha Whitmore Hickman: This comforting collection of daily meditations offers brief reflections that gently support you through each step of your grief journey.
Solviah specifically highlights these two books because they emphasize compassionate understanding, emotional authenticity, and practical strategies aligned with our mission. However, numerous other impactful resources exist that might resonate differently based on individual preferences and needs.
Finding Strength in Community
Building connections with others who share similar grief experiences can significantly ease feelings of isolation. While grief is inherently personal, engaging with supportive communities offers emotional validation and understanding that many grievers find profoundly healing. Support groups, online forums, professional counseling, or simply speaking openly with friends and family can provide powerful comfort, practical coping strategies, and meaningful companionship. These relationships often transform grief from a solitary burden into a shared experience of mutual strength, resilience, and ongoing support.
Additionally, community involvement offers opportunities to honor your loved one’s memory through collective activities or shared rituals, creating meaningful connections that extend beyond immediate grief.
Actionable Takeaway
Commit to journaling your emotional experiences daily for one week. Allow yourself to observe emotional patterns without self-criticism. Combining journaling with grounding exercises or short readings from grief-focused literature can further enhance emotional understanding and provide steady guidance during the unpredictable early stages of grief.
Ultimately, grief is a profoundly personal journey without predetermined timelines or rules. Understanding your emotional reactions and employing empathetic, evidence-based strategies can help you gradually move toward peace and healing.
For additional support and further exploration, browse our extensive collection of articles and resources dedicated to grief support and healing after loss.
References
Devine, M. (2017). It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand. Sounds True.
Lamott, A. (2013). Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope, and Repair. Riverhead Books.
Neimeyer, R. A., & Sands, D. C. (2011). Meaning reconstruction in bereavement: From principles to practice. In R. A. Neimeyer, D. L. Harris, H. R. Winokuer, & G. F. Thornton (Eds.), Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice (pp. 9-22). Routledge.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: A decade on. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 61(4), 273–289. https://doi.org/10.2190/OM.61.4.b
Wolfelt, A. D. (2016). Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart. Companion Press.
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