Category: Grief & Healing

• 

  Still a Mother: For the Ones Missing a Child on Mother’s Day

  A quiet space for the ones missing a child today. You are not alone here.

  🌿 Table of Contents

  • 💔 Still a Mother
  • 🫁 To the Mother Who Can’t Breathe Today
  • 🕊️ You Are Still a Mother
  • 🤍 If You Love a Mother Who’s Grieving
  • 💬 From Mothers Who’ve Been There
  • 📩 If You’re Not Sure What to Say
  • 🔁 Before You Go

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  💔 Still a Mother

  You felt it before you opened your eyes.
  That quiet heaviness. That ache beneath your ribs.

  Today is Mother’s Day.

  You stood in the kitchen this morning and didn’t know what to do with your hands.
  You scrolled past the posts.
  You smiled when someone said it—just to survive the moment.

  You haven’t forgotten.
  Your body hasn’t forgotten.
  And love like that doesn’t disappear.

  Even if no one says their name.
  Even if no one says yours.

  You are still a mother.
  You don’t have to be okay today.
  And you are not alone.

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  🫁 To the Mother Who Can’t Breathe Today

  You’ve already made it through hours.
  Maybe you answered messages.
  Maybe you stayed silent.

  Underneath it all, you’re holding something sharp.
  The ache. The anger. The emptiness.
  The weight of what should have been.

  You might feel jealous. Then guilty.
  You might feel nothing at all.

  That doesn’t make you weak.
  It makes you human.

  Mother’s Day can feel like salt in a wound.

  And still—here you are.
  Breathing.
  That’s enough.

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  🕊️ You Are Still a Mother

  Even if no one says it.
  Even if your arms are empty.
  Even if your motherhood looks nothing like theirs.

  You carried love—and you still do.
  You show up for a child the world can’t see.
  You keep going with a heart that has been torn open.

  That’s not weakness.
  That’s a different kind of strength.

  You are still a mother.
  Not in spite of the grief.
  Because of the love that never left.

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  🤍 If You Love a Mother Who’s Grieving Today

  Don’t just tell her she’s strong.
  See her pain, too.

  See the part of her that’s smiling and screaming at the same time.
  The part that showed up to the party, but hasn’t breathed since she walked in.
  The part that’s quiet—but carrying the weight of a lifetime.

  You don’t need to fix it.
  You don’t need the right words.
  You just need to show up. And stay.

  Say her child’s name.
  Say you remember.
  Say nothing, if that’s what the moment calls for.
  But be there.

  Her strength isn’t in pretending she’s fine.
  It’s in feeling everything and still finding a way to move through the day.

  Grief doesn’t need a rescue.
  It needs a witness.

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  💬 From Mothers Who’ve Been There

  “The world moved on. But I never stopped being her mom.”
  —Mother of a stillborn daughter

  “I mother in memories now. And in love that never left.”
  —Mother of a son gone too soon

  “Grief didn’t end. But neither did my love.”
  —Anonymous

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  📩 If You’re Not Sure What to Say

  It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect words.
  You don’t have to fix her day.
  But your message might be the one thing that reminds her she’s not alone.

  Try this:

  “I know today might be painful. I’m thinking of you and your baby. You’re still a mother. I see you.”

  “No words—just love. I’m here.”

  One honest message means more than a thousand silent scrolls.

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  🔁 Before You Go

  If this met you in the quiet,
  if it reminded you of something true—

  share it with someone who should see it.

  With someone who’s grieving.
  With someone who wants to support but doesn’t know how.

  No one should carry this kind of love alone.

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  📚 Suggested Reading

  • Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss. Basic Books.
  • American Psychological Association. (2020). Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one
  • Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy (5th ed.). Springer Publishing.

  May 11, 2025

• 

  Infertility, Miscarriage, and Mother’s Day: Coping with Guilt, Grief, and Invisible Loss

  🌸 Table of Contents

  • 💔 The Ache That Has No Name
  • 😔 What Guilt Feels Like
  • 🕊️ A Special Kind of Guilt
  • 🌿 If You’ve Lost a Pregnancy
  • 🛑 Surviving Mother’s Day
  • ✍️ Journal Prompts
  • 🌬️ Breathing Mantra
  • 🤝 What You Wish Others Knew
  • 🪶 A Different Kind of Ending
  • 📚 References

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  “I wanted to stay home. But I went to brunch for my mother. I smiled for the photo. I toasted with mimosas. I didn’t cry until the car ride home.”

  This is what Mother’s Day looks like for many women who are grieving infertility or pregnancy loss.

  Sometimes, it’s sitting through church as they hand out flowers to moms. Sometimes, it’s dodging group texts about brunch. Sometimes, it’s scrolling past photo after photo of handmade cards and families you wanted to be part of.

  💔 The Ache That Has No Name

  You might not have a name for what you’re feeling. But what you might really be feeling is grief—the grief of someone you never got to meet. Of a future you imagined but couldn’t hold.

  This kind of grief is called ambiguous grief. And on a day like Mother’s Day, when the world turns glittery and loud, it can feel unbearable.

  😔 What Guilt Feels Like When You Can’t Have a Baby

  You might think:

  • “Maybe if I had started sooner…”
  • “Maybe this is punishment.”

  But guilt is a liar. It shows up when we feel powerless. Dr. George Bonanno explains that guilt often masks helplessness and loss of control (Bonanno, 2009).

  🕊️ A Special Kind of Guilt: When You Did Do Something

  Maybe you delayed motherhood. Maybe you had an abortion, or lived through addiction, or something that still feels like your fault.

  “You made the best decision you could with what you had, who you were, and what you knew at the time.”

  ✍️ Journal Prompt

  What decision have I been punishing myself for?
  What does Mother’s Day bring up about this choice?
  What would someone who loved me say back?

  🌿 If You’ve Lost a Pregnancy

  Miscarriage grief is not the same as infertility, but it walks beside it. Some women carry both stories—and both deserve space.

  “You are a mother. Even if your arms are empty.” — SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

  ✍️ Journal Prompt

  What would I say to the baby I carried, even for a short time?
  What do I want them to know about how loved they were?

  Ritual: Light a candle and whisper their name—or simply say “my little one.” Let that be enough today.

  🛑 Surviving Mother’s Day

  You can be kind and still say no—to the brunch, the church service, the school event. Protecting your heart is not selfish. It’s sacred.

  🌬️ Breathing Mantra

  Inhale: My love is real.
  Exhale: I release blame.

  Repeat five times. Let this be your breath prayer when words are too much.

  🤝 What You Wish Others Knew

  Yes—it’s okay to reach out. Even if it’s been months. Even if you’re not sure what to say. Especially on Mother’s Day.

  Say:
  “I know today might be hard. No need to respond—I just want you to know I’m thinking of you.”

  Avoid:
  Advice. Comparisons. Or saying “Happy Mother’s Day” unless you’re sure it’s welcome.

  🪶 A Different Kind of Ending

  There’s no bow to tie around this grief. But there can be room.

  On a day like Mother’s Day, when the world feels loud and full, you deserve a quiet space to grieve what never was—or what didn’t last. Or what you hoped might still be.

  You can still be seen. You can still be heard. You can still be held.

  Leave a comment if this spoke to you. You don’t have to explain everything. Just say you were here. That matters.

  📚 References

  • American Psychological Association. (2020). Infertility and mental health.
    View Source
  • Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The Other Side of Sadness. Basic Books.
  • Doka, K. J. (2002). Disenfranchised Grief. Lexington Books.
  • Devine, M. (2017). It’s OK That You’re Not OK. Sounds True.
  • Samuel, J. (2017). Grief Works. Scribner.
  • SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support. (2023).
    Visit Website
  • Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). Infertility.
    CDC Infertility Page

  May 11, 2025

• 

  Feeling Off in 2025? What Grief, Burnout, and Shifting Seasons Might Be Saying

  ✯ Table of Contents
  

  • 🌿 A Note Before We Begin
  • 🕊️ Invisible Grief
  • 🔥 Emotional Burnout in 2025
  • 📖 What Christian Prophets Are Saying
  • ✨ Celestial Signs in May 2025
  • 💔 Grieving When the Loss Is Personal
  • 🛏️ Rebuilding in the Rubble
  • 🌱 A Final Blessing

  🌿 A Note Before We Begin

  This isn’t just another article about grief or burnout. It’s a gentle, grounded guide for anyone going through loss, transition, or emotional unraveling—especially when life is already shaky.

  You might be grieving a death. Or maybe you’re grieving something harder to name—your career path, your sense of purpose, the version of yourself that used to feel whole. Lately, it seems more and more of us are carrying invisible weights we don’t know how to talk about.

  This guide offers language for what you’re feeling, space to breathe, and spiritual insight that doesn’t rush to fix you. It doesn’t pretend to hold all the answers—but it hopes to walk with you toward steadier ground.

  Along the way, we’ll also explore what Christian prophets are saying—because strangely, and profoundly, their words have been aligning with what many of us are living through. Whether or not you consider yourself religious, it might be worth paying attention.

  Each section unpacks a layer of what you may be carrying: emotional weariness, cultural upheaval, spiritual shaking, personal loss—and how to begin again in a world that no longer feels familiar.

  Wherever you are in your process, may this meet you there.

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  🕊️ Invisible Grief: Why So Many Feel Emotionally Exhausted Right Now

  You’re not imagining it.

  There’s a heaviness in the air—one that words like “stress” or “tired” don’t fully capture. Even those who haven’t lost someone recently are grieving something: who they used to be, what they thought life would become, the safety they assumed would last.

  And if you have lost someone—especially while juggling the fragile pieces of everything else—then it’s more than sorrow. It’s disorientation. A sense that the ground itself has shifted, and you can’t find the horizon.

  This is invisible grief.

  Not always the kind with funerals or condolences—but the kind that lingers when your identity, security, or story is quietly slipping through your fingers. It’s the ache of becoming someone new without meaning to. Psychologist Kenneth Doka calls this disenfranchised grief—the kind society doesn’t always recognize, but that lives in us all the same (Doka, 2002).

  And according to trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk, this kind of invisible loss doesn’t just affect the mind—it leaves an imprint on the body, too. We carry the stress physically, often without knowing why (van der Kolk, 2014).

  What makes it harder is how strangely collective it feels. So many people are unraveling in parallel. So many are whispering, “Something is off,” without knowing why.

  Could there be something beneath it all?

  We’ll name the griefs that don’t often get named. We’ll explore what prophetic voices have been saying for years, and why their words are echoing loudly now. We’ll also look to the skies—literally—and consider whether what’s happening above us might help us make sense of what’s happening within us.

  Because if this ache is shared… maybe so is the hope.

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  🔥 What’s Causing Emotional Burnout in 2025 (And Why It’s Not Just You)

  Even if you haven’t lost someone, you may still feel like something is slipping: your sense of purpose, your drive, your belief that life should feel more stable by now.

  It’s not just burnout. It’s something deeper—emotional fatigue, spiritual burnout, a quiet unraveling happening across industries, relationships, and identities. A sense that the ground has shifted, and no one handed you a new map.

  So what’s really behind this collective weariness?

  • Economic anxiety isn’t just about dollars—it’s about fear. Even those with good jobs worry they’re one layoff away from chaos (APA, 2023).
  • Success has changed shape. It’s no longer enough to be good at your job. You’re expected to have a calling, a brand, a clear purpose—and that pressure can be paralyzing (Pratt et al., 2006).
  • Work-life balance has eroded. Devices keep us half-working even while resting. We’re always reachable, never truly restored (Maslach & Leiter, 2016).
  • Comparison culture floods us with curated images of other people’s wins, leaving us unsure whether we’re behind—or just invisible (Huang, 2017).
  • Corporate trust is fading. Layoffs, pivots, and instability have made people question if any role is truly secure (APA, 2023).
  • And under it all, a quiet ache. A question few dare to say aloud: What if I don’t want this life anymore?

  Layer these pressures on top of personal grief, family stress, or spiritual fatigue—and it’s more than stress. It’s a slow unraveling of identity, security, and clarity all at once.

  And if all of this feels bigger than personal stress—maybe it is.

  Maybe something spiritual is stirring underneath the unraveling.

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  📖 What Christian Prophets Are Saying About This Season of Change

  Is this discomfort spiritual? What prophetic voices are noticing—and why it might matter.

  Maybe you’ve had this thought lately:

  “Everything feels off—but I can’t tell if it’s me… or something bigger.”

  That sense isn’t new—and it’s not just yours.

  In many Christian traditions, prophetic voices are people who listen closely for God’s heart—not to predict headlines, but to help interpret the times. And for years now, some of these voices have been pointing to a season just like this.

  They call it a divine repositioning.

  Prophets like Kris Vallotton, Lana Vawser, and others have described this as a global shaking—one that reaches into both personal lives and public systems. Not to destroy, but to shift. To break the illusion of control. To prepare people for what’s next. And what they’ve said feels strangely aligned with what many are now living.

  1. Shaking before repositioning

  That sense that your old rhythm no longer fits? It may not be failure—it may be spiritual movement. Prophetic voices suggest that God often allows discomfort to dislodge us from what’s too small. What feels like chaos might be permission to let go.

  “God offends the mind to reveal the heart.” — Kris Vallotton

  2. Transfer of influence

  Many have spoken about a “Joseph and Daniel moment”—a season where those who’ve been faithful in hidden places are being quietly prepared for influence. Not for fame, but for fruitfulness. You may not feel ready. But maybe your readiness isn’t the point.

  3. Marketplace revival

  This isn’t just happening in churches. Prophetic voices believe God is moving in business, education, tech, media—in the middle of everyday work. If your job has felt strangely unsettled, it might not be punishment. It might be preparation.

  4. Refinement of identity

  Perhaps most deeply, this shift is about identity. God may be stripping away false metrics—“I’m only valuable if I’m productive,” “If I’m not thriving, I’m failing.” What’s left isn’t emptiness—it’s truth. Who you are when nothing performs.

  5. The unveiling of the hidden ones

  Prophets like Lana Vawser have described this season as one where God is bringing His “hidden ones” into view—not through striving, but through divine timing. Whether you’ve been healing, raising children, serving quietly, or simply holding things together behind the scenes—this may be your unveiling.

  “The ones who have felt unseen, forgotten, and hidden—this is the hour where the Lord is bringing them into greater visibility for His glory.” — Lana Vawser

  This isn’t performance. It’s permission. A holy release into the next thing—just as you are.

  Some call this a shift. Others call it a calling. But either way, it’s a pattern too consistent to ignore.

  Even if you’re not sure what you believe, maybe part of you has already felt it:

  • The old way doesn’t fit.
  • You’re between stories.
  • And something sacred is stirring beneath the surface.

  It’s the moment midair—after releasing one trapeze bar, before catching the next.

  You’re not falling. You’re just between.

  Could it be that what feels like obscurity… was always preparation?

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  ✨ Celestial Signs in May 2025: Biblical Meaning and Prophetic Insight

  What if the sky isn’t just beautiful—but intentional?

  Maybe you’ve looked up recently—at the moon, the stars, or a flash of meteor light—and felt something you couldn’t explain. A stirring. A pause. A sense that the timing of it all means more than we think.

  Throughout scripture, the heavens are more than backdrop—they’re message-bearers.

  “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.” — Psalm 19:1

  From the star over Bethlehem to the apocalyptic signs in Revelation, the biblical narrative uses celestial movement not for fortune-telling—but for timing. Divine moments often echo in the skies. And in May 2025, many believe we’re standing beneath one of those echoes.

  What May 2025 Is Revealing

  • May 3–4: Eta Aquariid Meteor Shower

    Formed from remnants of Halley’s Comet, these meteors streak the sky before dawn. In prophetic imagery, meteors often represent sudden insight—divine interruptions that illuminate what’s been there all along.

  • May 12: Full Flower Micromoon

    This distant full moon symbolizes hidden growth. It may not look large, but its presence reminds us: not all flourishing is loud. Some of the most sacred change happens in quiet places.

  • May 14: Pesach Sheni (Second Passover)

    A biblical “do-over” date. In Numbers 9, God allowed those who missed Passover the first time to celebrate a month later. It’s a reminder: you haven’t missed your moment. Redemption still reaches.

  • May 15–16: Lag BaOmer

    Traditionally a break in a season of mourning, this Jewish holiday brings light and joy into heavy times. It represents breakthrough in the middle of grief.

  • May 26: New Moon

    In ancient Israel, new moons marked the beginning of sacred cycles. It was a moment to pause, reset, and step forward into what’s next (Numbers 28:11–15).

  • May 29: Ascension Day

    Honoring the moment Jesus was taken into heaven, Ascension is not about endings—it’s about commissioning. The moment where waiting turns into movement. “Go.”

  These dates may seem unrelated—but they trace a clear arc: from divine interruption… to hidden growth… to second chances… to joy… to renewal… to release.

  This Isn’t Prediction. It’s Invitation.

  You don’t have to believe in signs. But you’re allowed to wonder.

  Maybe you’ve felt it already—something stirring in you. A direction. A question. A truth you’ve known for a while but haven’t yet moved toward.

  Christian prophets aren’t saying to look for fireworks. They’re saying: notice the alignment. Let the sky remind you that God’s timing is never random. And neither is yours.

  Some believe what May 2025 is saying is this:

  The shaking has done its work. The delay has had its meaning. Now… it’s time to begin.

  You don’t need full clarity. You just need one true step.

  “There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars… When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.” — Luke 21:25–28

  Even if all you have is a flicker of faith, even if all you feel is tired—look up anyway.

  Look up. Breathe. Begin.

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  💔 Grieving When the Loss Is Personal

  What if the thing that broke wasn’t your job… but your heart?

  We’ve just explored the idea that this season of shaking might be spiritual—that perhaps God is allowing certain things to fall away so that something more eternal can take root.

  But what if what fell wasn’t your schedule, your plans, or your sense of direction?

  • What if it was your mother?
  • Your spouse?
  • Your child?
  • Your only friend?
  • Your anchor in this world?

  What if the shaking took your person?

  Grief can already feel like spiritual whiplash. And the thought that God allowed it—that He stood by while it happened—can feel less like mercy and more like cruelty.

  And if someone dared to tell you, “It’s all part of a bigger plan,” you might want to walk away from that kind of God altogether.

  You wouldn’t be wrong to feel that way.

  Because when you lose someone you love—especially in a season when you were already barely holding it together—it doesn’t feel redemptive.

  It feels like betrayal.

  Like abandonment.

  Like being dropped while you were already drowning.

  “I don’t care about spiritual shaking,” one reader said. “I just want my dad back. He was the only one who understood me.”

  And still—this much we know:

  “When Jesus saw her weeping… He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled… Jesus wept.” — John 11:33–35

  He knew resurrection was coming. And He still wept.

  He didn’t offer explanations. He didn’t say, “This had to happen.”

  He stood beside Mary in her grief. He felt the injustice. And He cried.

  Maybe that’s what He’s doing with you now.

  Not fixing it. Not skipping it. Just sitting in the silence—with you.

  Maybe He didn’t cause the loss. Maybe He didn’t will the death. But He knew it would come.

  And instead of rushing you toward resolution, He’s walking through this part with you—at your pace, in your pain.

  Maybe the shaking didn’t take your anchor so you’d become stronger.

  Maybe it took your anchor… so He could be the one to hold you through the storm.

  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

  You don’t have to make sense of this. Not now.

  You don’t have to move on.

  But maybe—just for today—you let yourself be held.

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  🏗️ Rebuilding in the Rubble

  You may not be rebuilding the same life. But you’re not building alone.

  By now, you may feel like your world has been stripped down to studs. What once defined you—your roles, your plans, your relationships—may be gone or unrecognizable. And the person you were before this season? She might feel just as lost.

  But if you’re still breathing, still asking questions, still reading this—That means something remains. And that something can become the foundation for a different kind of future.

  The Healing Will Look Nothing Like the Old Life

  You’re not going back to “normal.” There is no going back. But there may be something better ahead—not because it erases your grief, but because it honors it.

  “You don’t move on. You move with it. The grief walks beside you. But so does grace.”

  This isn’t toxic positivity. This is sacred rebuilding.

  “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines… yet I will rejoice in the Lord.” — Habakkuk 3:17–18

  What Rebuilding Might Look Like

  • You wake up one morning and don’t feel dread.
  • You go for a walk and notice the trees again.
  • You remember something about your loved one—and smile instead of cry.
  • You say no to something you used to say yes to—because now you know your limits.
  • You start making plans—not because you’re fully healed, but because you’re still here.

  You’re not starting from scratch—you’re starting from sacred debris.

  “They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated.” — Isaiah 61:4

  Biblical Anchors for What Feels Unstable

  • When finances are uncertain: “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” — Psalm 23:1
  • When your identity feels lost: “You are mine. I have called you by name.” — Isaiah 43:1
  • When you are tired and stretched thin: “Come to me… and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28
  • When the future feels terrifying: “Do not fear, for I am with you.” — Isaiah 41:10
  • When you feel deeply alone: “Even if my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” — Psalm 27:10

  What Remains Is Still Alive. And That Means Something.

  Maybe you don’t feel strong. Maybe you feel buried.

  But seeds aren’t lost when they’re in the dark. They’re preparing to break open. Preparing to rise.

  Even if no one sees it—especially when no one sees it—something in you is still here. Breathing. Noticing. Reaching.

  That’s not nothing. That’s the beginning of strength.

  You don’t have to bloom today. You don’t have to fix everything by tomorrow. But if you’re still breathing, there’s more to come.

  The ones who rise slowly often rise strongest. Not because they pushed through—but because they grew through. Deep. Quiet. Fierce.

  You may feel buried. But maybe… you’re rooted.

  And that is not the end of the story.

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  🌱 A Final Blessing

  Maybe this hasn’t answered every question.

  Maybe it didn’t fix what still feels broken.

  But if you’ve made it this far, it’s because something in you is still reaching for light.

  Maybe it’s not fire. Maybe it’s not fierce.

  But it’s alive. And that matters.

  There’s a kind of strength that doesn’t shout. It roots. Deep and unseen. Quiet and sure.

  And when it finally rises, it doesn’t just survive. It shelters others, too.

  So even if your grief still aches… even if your future feels dim… even if today is more silence than clarity—

  May you carry forward something real.

  Not because it’s all okay.

  But because something in you still is.

  So here’s to what remains.

  To what is still alive in you, however quiet.

  To the sacred rebuilding happening in silence.

  And to the person you are becoming—braver, deeper, more whole than ever before.

  A Blessing for the Journey

  May your grief give way to gentleness.

  May your questions stretch into something sacred.

  May you find strength not in perfection, but in quiet resilience.

  May you carry forward what mattered most—not by force, but by becoming.

  And as your roots grow deep in this broken soil,

  May something bloom in you that honors the life you lost,

  And the legacy you’re still living.

  Whatever your path, whatever your pace,

  May you know: you are not alone.

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  💬 Share What Resonated With You

  If something in this article stirred something in you—a phrase, a truth, a quiet strength—would you be willing to share it below?

  Scroll down and leave a comment. Let’s make this more than a page. Let’s make it a place to feel seen.

  📚 References

  • Doka, K. J. (2002). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow. Lexington Books.
  • van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
  • American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress in America™ Report. View Report
  • Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103–111.
  • Pratt, M. G., Rockmann, K. W., & Kaufmann, J. B. (2006). Constructing professional identity. Academy of Management Journal, 49(2), 235–262.
  • Huang, C. (2017). Time on social networks and psychological well-being. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 20(6), 346–354.
  • Vallotton, K. (2020). Spiritual Intelligence. Chosen Books.
  • Vawser, L. (2021–2024). Prophetic Words. www.lanavawser.com
  • Genesis 37–50 – The story of Joseph and divine repositioning.
  • Daniel 1–2 – Influence through faithfulness in exile.
  • Isaiah 45:3 – “Treasures of darkness and hidden riches.”
  • 1 Samuel 16:11–13 – David’s anointing from hiddenness.
  • Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning Reconstruction & the Experience of Loss.
  • Park, C. L. (2010). Meaning-making and adjustment to life stress. Psychological Bulletin.

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  May 10, 2025

• 

  Supporting a Grieving Friend After Miscarriage or Infertility

  You want to help, but everything you say feels wrong.

  You sit with your phone in your hand, staring at the screen. What could possibly make this better? “I’m sorry”? “Thinking of you”? Nothing feels right. You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing—so you say nothing.

  But your silence might hurt more than your stumble.

  This guide offers gentle, real-world ways to support someone experiencing miscarriage or infertility—grounded in psychology, etiquette, and spiritual kindness.

  Table of Contents

  • 🌿 Why This Grief Hurts So Much
  • 💛 What Helps
  • ⚠️ What Hurts
  • 🗣️ What to Say (and What Not To)
  • ✅ Before You Text or Visit
  • ⏳ Long-Term Support
  • 🕯️ Ritual and Spiritual Space
  • 🏢 Support at Work
  • 🤲 10 Silent Gestures of Support
  • 📖 Glossary
  • 🔗 Further Reading
  • 📝 A Note from the Author
  • 💬 Share Your Voice

  🌿 Why This Grief Hurts So Much

  This isn’t just sadness. It’s grief over a future that never arrived. A nursery unpainted. A name never whispered aloud. A story interrupted before it began.

  “I didn’t just lose a pregnancy. I lost bedtime stories, birthday cakes, and the feeling of tiny arms around my neck.”

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  💛 What Helps

  1. Gentle presence
  “I’m here if you ever want to talk—or not talk.” Just showing up quietly can be a gift.

  2. Acts of service
  Drop off meals. Offer rides. Water their plants. Love in action often speaks louder than words.

  3. Remembering dates
  Mark the due date, the loss, or even the silence. Send a note: “Thinking of you today.”

  4. Symbolic gestures
  Light a candle, gift a stone, or help plant a flower. Honor the invisible with something tangible.

  5. Open-ended support
  Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try: “Would it help if I ran an errand or sent soup?”

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  ⚠️ What Hurts

  • “At least you were early.”
  • “Everything happens for a reason.”
  • “You can try again.”
  • “It wasn’t meant to be.”
  • Silence. Ignoring their pain completely.

  These phrases often minimize or erase grief. When in doubt, say less—but mean more.

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  🗣️ What to Say (and What Not To)

  Words That Comfort

  • “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how much this hurts.”
  • “I’m here with you. I don’t have the right words, but I’m not going anywhere.”
  • “This grief is real. Your loss matters.”
  • “Would you like to tell me about them?”
  • “Would you like space, or would it help to talk?”

  Words to Avoid

  • “Everything happens for a reason.”
  • “At least it wasn’t later.”
  • “You can always adopt.”
  • “It wasn’t meant to be.”
  • “It’s better this way.”

  “When in doubt, say less and listen more. Their grief isn’t a puzzle to solve—it’s a wound to witness.”

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  ✅ Before You Text or Visit…

  Use this simple reflection checklist before reaching out:

  • Am I centering them and not my discomfort?
  • Have I avoided offering fixes or spiritual platitudes?
  • Have I created space for silence, if that’s what they need?
  • Am I okay being present without a clear “role”?
  • Have I offered something simple and supportive?

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  ⏳ Supporting Them Long-Term

  Grief doesn’t fade quickly. Sometimes it doesn’t fade at all—it just changes shape.

  Ways to Show You Still Remember

  • Send a gentle text on their due date or milestone day.
  • Invite them into life, but honor their “no” without pressure.
  • Ask them again how they are, even months later.
  • Celebrate healing steps, but never assume they’re “over it.”

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  🕯️ Ritual, Reflection, and Spiritual Space

  Honor their beliefs, even if they’re different from your own. Create space for comfort, tradition, and silence.

  “Grief is love with nowhere to go.” — Jamie Anderson

  Consider asking:

  “Do you have a way you like to remember or honor them? I’d love to support that.”

  Learn more in Culture & Spirituality.

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  🏢 Support at Work or as an Acquaintance

  • Send a card, note, or flower—not a text.
  • Don’t expect them to “bounce back.”
  • Give them grace in deadlines and conversation.
  • Support policies for bereavement leave or counseling.
  • Say something—acknowledgement goes a long way.

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  🤲 10 Silent Gestures of Support

  • 🕯️ Light a candle in their honor and text a photo
  • 🌸 Leave flowers or tea on their doorstep
  • ✉️ Mail a handwritten card with no expectations
  • 🧺 Drop off groceries or laundry service
  • 📅 Send a calendar invite for a quiet walk
  • 🧸 Donate a toy or blanket in the baby’s name
  • 📚 Gift a journal, art set, or grief book
  • 🚘 Offer to drive them to an appointment
  • 🌱 Plant something that grows
  • 🕊️ Sit with them in silence without advice

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  📖 Glossary

  • Miscarriage: Loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks
  • Stillbirth: Loss after 20 weeks gestation
  • Infertility: Inability to conceive after 12 months
  • IVF: In-vitro fertilization (assisted reproduction)
  • Disenfranchised grief: Grief that’s not publicly acknowledged or supported

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  🔗 Further Reading on Solviah

  • Grief & Healing
  • Honoring a Life
  • Culture & Spirituality

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  📝 A Note from the Author

  If you’re grieving—this space is for you too. Your pain is valid. Your story matters. You are not forgotten.

  To the friend who wants to help: it’s okay not to have the right words. Your kindness, even when clumsy, is a powerful comfort.

  ⬆️ Back to Top

  💬 Share Your Voice

  Have you supported someone through miscarriage or infertility? Or gone through it yourself? Your insight could be a lifeline for someone else.

  Please share your story or encouragement in the comments below. You never know who might need it.

  References

  • Badenhorst, W., & Hughes, P. (2007). Psychological aspects of miscarriage: Attitudes of medical professionals. British Journal of General Practice, 57(543), 878–880.
  • Lang, A., Fleiszer, A., Duhamel, F., Sword, W., Gilbert, K., & Corsini-Munt, S. (2011). Perinatal loss and parental grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 63(2), 183–196.
  • Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy (4th ed.). Springer Publishing.

  May 3, 2025

• 

  Healing Sleep After Loss: A 7-Day Self-Care Plan for Grieving Hearts

  For those struggling with rest after the death of someone they love.

  It’s not just about falling asleep.
  It’s the quiet ache of being awake when the rest of the world is sleeping.
  It’s the weight in your body that feels too heavy to move—and too restless to still.

  Grief interrupts sleep in unexpected ways. And for many, the night becomes the hardest time.

  Journaling, even for a few minutes, has been shown to lower intrusive thoughts and regulate emotion, especially after trauma and loss (Pennebaker & Smyth, 2016).

  Table of Contents

  • ☁️ Day 1: Give Your Sleeplessness a Voice
  • 🧶 Day 2: Create a Grief Nest
  • ✨ Day 3: Notice the Form of Grief
  • ⛅️ Day 4: Move Your Grief Gently
  • 🍃 Day 5: Give Your Brain Rest
  • 💤 Day 6: Connect with Memory
  • 🌌 Day 7: Begin a New Ritual
  • 🌻 Rejoice
  • ❤️ When to Ask for Help
  • 🫳️ Community Invitation
  • 🔗 Sources

  ☁️ Day 1: Give Your Sleeplessness a Voice

  You might find yourself wide awake. Scrolling. Staring at the ceiling. Listening to every sound in the room.

  Do Tonight: Journal, voice memo, or whisper your thoughts aloud without judgment.

  “Insomnia after loss isn’t restlessness. It’s the mind needing time to understand.”

  Journal Prompt:
  “What’s keeping me awake right now? If I gave that feeling a name or a sentence, what would it be?”

  Back to Top

  🧶 Day 2: Create a Grief Nest

  If the rest of your space feels too big or unsettling, let this be your beginning. Your bed can become your refuge.

  Do Tonight:

  • Gather pillows, blankets, or familiar textures
  • Place something grounding nearby: photo, stone, candle

  Optional Journal Prompt:
  “What does safety mean for me tonight? What textures or objects bring me ease?”

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  ✨ Day 3: Notice the Form of Grief

  Grief appears in many forms. Silent Grief: numbness, detachment. Explosive Grief: tears, pacing, shouting. Both are valid.

  Do Tonight: Observe your experience without judgment.

  Journal Prompt:
  “Tonight, my grief feels ___. I think it needs ___.”

  Based on Bonanno, 2009

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  ⛅️ Day 4: Move Your Grief Gently

  Your body holds grief. Movement can help release its weight.

  Do Tonight:

  • Roll shoulders (5x)
  • Tilt head gently
  • Forward fold with soft knees
  • Child’s Pose or lie on your side
  • Place hands on chest or belly, and breathe

  Optional Journal Prompt:
  “Where in my body do I feel the weight of grief tonight? What might help it soften?”

  Sources: Hardison et al., 2005; Worden, 2018

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  🍃 Day 5: Give Your Brain Rest

  Sometimes the most healing thing is to pause emotional work and allow peace to enter.

  Do Tonight:

  • Watch a calming video
  • Listen to nature sounds or a bedtime podcast
  • Read something light or familiar

  “Grief is not all sorrow. It’s also the pause between waves.”

  Journal Prompt:
  “What’s one small thing I enjoyed today, even for a second?”

  Back to Top

  💤 Day 6: Connect with Memory

  Connection—real or imagined—can calm grief’s sharpest edges.

  Do Tonight:

  • Light a candle and say their name
  • Place your hand on your heart
  • Write or whisper what you miss

  Breathing Practice:
  Inhale: “Comfort in”
  Exhale: “Loneliness out”

  Journal Prompt:
  “If I could say one thing to you tonight, it would be… And if I could imagine your reply, it might be…”

  Back to Top

  🌌 Day 7: Begin a New Ritual

  Create a gentle rhythm to return to each night. Rituals ground us.

  Do Tonight:

  • Light a candle
  • Write one sentence in a journal
  • Sip warm tea
  • Place a soft item by your bed

  Journal Prompt:
  “What tiny ritual might help me feel steady? What do I want to bring into my nights going forward?”

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  🌻 Rejoice (When It Comes)

  Joy is not betrayal. Rest is not disloyalty. When healing comes in waves of laughter, sleep, or relief—you are allowed to receive it.

  “There is no guilt in rest. No betrayal in joy. You are allowed both.”

  Back to Top

  ❤️ When to Ask for Help

  If sleep remains unreachable after several weeks, or your anxiety deepens, please reach out. Grief counselors, therapists, and peer groups exist to hold space for you.

  Back to Top

  🫳️ Share With Us

  Have you experienced restless nights after loss? What helped you through it?

  We’d be honored to hear your story. Leave a comment below.

  Your words may be exactly what someone else needs tonight.

  Back to Top

  🔗 Sources

  • American Psychological Association. (2020). Grief and Loss. https://www.apa.org/topics/grief
  • Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The Other Side of Sadness. Basic Books.
  • Hardison, H. G., Neimeyer, R. A., & Lichstein, K. L. (2005). Behavioral Sleep Medicine, 3(2), 99–111.
  • Pennebaker, J. W., & Smyth, J. M. (2016). Opening Up by Writing It Down. Guilford Press.
  • Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy (5th ed.). Springer.
  • Tsuno, N., Besset, A., & Ritchie, K. (2005). The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 66(10), 1254–1269.

  Back to Top

  April 30, 2025

• 

  Healing After Loss: Recognizing When Anger Becomes Complicated Grief

  “There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  When Sarah lost her husband unexpectedly, sadness was predictable. Yet, she found herself blindsided by something else entirely: intense, persistent anger. She felt angry at him for leaving, angry at herself for not preventing it, and angry at others simply for their well-meaning condolences. It wasn’t until she began therapy that she realized her anger was a profound expression of grief itself—a response that, left unaddressed, was beginning to overshadow every aspect of her life.

  Grief is deeply personal, unpredictable, and often overwhelming. Among its complex emotions, anger stands out for its intensity and capacity to disrupt lives. While feeling anger after losing someone is normal, persistent and destructive anger might signal something deeper: complicated or prolonged grief.

  In this article, we’ll explore the specific theme of anger during grief, outline signs that indicate when professional help is essential, and offer practical tools for emotional healing after loss.

  ---

  Understanding the Complexity of Grief-Related Anger

  Psychologist George Bonanno, renowned for his research on grief, explains that grief does not follow a predictable linear path. His work identifies various “grief trajectories,” such as resilience, chronic grief, and delayed grief. Anger often surfaces across these trajectories, triggered by unresolved emotions, perceived injustices, and deep feelings of loss and helplessness.

  Common scenarios where grief-related anger may arise include:

  • Feeling abandoned or betrayed by the person who passed.
  • Resentment toward others for perceived insensitivity or misunderstanding.
  • Frustration at oneself, often accompanied by guilt or regret.

  These feelings, though painful, are common. But when anger becomes prolonged, unmanageable, or disrupts daily functioning, it may indicate a transition into complicated grief.

  ---

  ⚠️ Signs Your Anger Has Become Complicated Grief

  Recognizing when grief-related anger requires professional intervention can be life-changing. Signs include:

  • Persistent Irritability: Constant irritability or quickness to anger that affects relationships or work.
  • Deep, Unresolved Anger: Anger that intensifies over time, becoming self-destructive or interfering with healing.
  • Avoidance of Reminders: Avoiding people, places, or situations tied to the loss, increasing isolation.
  • Intense Emotional Reactions: Overreacting to minor stressors or feeling emotionally “stuck.”
  • Functional Impairment: Difficulty maintaining routines, relationships, or personal care.

  According to the American Psychiatric Association, these symptoms, when lasting beyond 6–12 months, may indicate Prolonged Grief Disorder and warrant professional care.

  ---

  ❤️ Validating Your Experience of Grief

  It’s important to remember: Grief is not weakness. It is the natural response to love and attachment. The presence of anger—no matter how overwhelming—is a valid and deeply human reaction to profound loss.

  Recognizing that your experience is valid can offer a powerful foundation for healing after loss.

  ---

  🛠️ Tools for Emotional Healing After Death

  1. Mindful Breathing

  Use this technique when anger spikes:

  • Inhale slowly for 4 counts
  • Hold for 4 counts
  • Exhale for 4 counts
  • Repeat for 5–10 cycles

  2. Reflective Journaling

  Write freely about your anger. Describe its shape, its roots, and its triggers. Journaling allows you to externalize emotions and begin making sense of them.

  3. Personal Rituals of Remembrance

  Light a candle at the same time each evening. Visit a meaningful location. Read a poem aloud. Small, consistent rituals turn grief into memory, and memory into meaning.

  4. Join a Support Group

  Whether in person or online, groups normalize grief and reduce the isolation that often intensifies anger. Shared experiences can be incredibly healing.

  ---

  🧠 Seeking Professional Help Is Strength

  If anger continues to dominate your emotions, professional help can be transformative. Evidence-based therapies such as CBT, narrative therapy, and grief-specific counseling are effective in addressing complicated grief.

  Therapists can help you process unresolved emotions, reframe unhelpful thoughts, and develop coping tools for the long journey of healing.

  ---

  ✍ Reflective Prompt

  Find a quiet moment today to write a letter to the person you’ve lost. Focus specifically on the anger you’ve felt:

  “What is my anger trying to protect me from?”

  ---

  🔍 References

  • Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss. Basic Books.
  • American Psychiatric Association. (n.d.). Prolonged Grief Disorder. Retrieved from psychiatry.org
  • Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). Complicated Grief. Retrieved from mayoclinic.org
  • Verywell Mind. (2023). Prolonged Grief Disorder: What to Know. Retrieved from verywellmind.com

  April 23, 2025

• 

  Grieving Alone While Others Celebrate: Coping with Grief During Christian Holidays as a Non-Christian

  “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” — Maya Angelou

  ---

  She closed the door with a soft click. Outside, voices laughed down the hallway, echoing like ghosts who’d forgotten to say goodbye. The scent of cinnamon and roasted lamb clung to the air. Inside her apartment, it was quiet—too quiet. The chair across from her was empty. A year ago, her brother had sat there. A year ago, everything had changed.

  If you’re grieving and not part of the Christian faith, holidays like Easter or Christmas can stir up a special kind of loneliness. You’re not just mourning a loved one—you’re watching the world sing while you sit in silence. Even those who promised to stand beside you may be swept up in celebration, leaving you feeling like your grief has an expiration date the world already passed.

  This article is for you—the one feeling forgotten in your sorrow. We’ll explore the often-hidden experience of grief outside dominant faith traditions, focusing on the emotion of anger. Along the way, you’ll find grounding practices, soulful rituals, and one vital reminder: you are not alone, and your pain still matters deeply.

  ---

  🎄 When Celebration Feels Like a Closed Door

  Christian holidays shape more than churches—they influence school calendars, public schedules, and social expectations. Even in secular spaces, the air is thick with carols, brunches, and “He is Risen.” For someone mourning a loved one, this cultural rhythm can feel like a sharp turn in the wrong direction.

  You may be Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, spiritual but not religious—or simply still grieving—and find yourself excluded from the dominant tradition of hope and light. Meanwhile, your own traditions—Shiva, Ramadan, Diwali, or silent remembrance—are overlooked or unknown.

  “I’m Jewish. My mom died two weeks before Easter. My coworkers sent flowers, then disappeared for holiday travel. I wasn’t angry at them. I was angry at the silence.” — David R., New York

  Grief expert Stroebe, Schut, and Boerner (2017) affirm that social connection is vital to healing. But during religious holidays, that connection may feel out of reach, especially for those outside the dominant faith. Grief doesn’t take a holiday—but too often, support does.

  ---

  🔥 The Hidden Anger in Grief

  Grief wears many faces. One of them is rage.

  Anger may rise when your messages go unanswered. When your calendar is empty while others gather. When your faith—or lack of faith—is not even part of the conversation.

  Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler (2005) wrote that anger is not a detour from grief—it is part of it. It’s not only anger at the loss. It’s anger at being unseen.

  Dr. Robert Neimeyer (2012) explains that grief involves rebuilding identity in a world that feels off-axis. When grief is unacknowledged, this rebuilding becomes even harder. Anger becomes the voice of your invisible pain.

  “Anger is the guard dog of forgotten sorrow.”

  ---

  ⛔ When Grief Doesn’t Match the Season

  Christian holidays are often framed around light, joy, and resurrection. But what if your grief still lives in shadow? The world may be celebrating renewal—while you’re mourning what will never return.

  This mismatch can feel like spiritual exile. The American Psychological Association (2023) warns that when grief rituals do not align with a mourner’s worldview, the result can be alienation, depression, and delayed healing.

  What You May Wish They Knew:

  • My grief didn’t end just because it’s Easter or Christmas.
  • I still need support, even if you’re busy with family.
  • Silence doesn’t feel like space—it feels like forgetting.
  • I don’t need fixing—I just need to feel remembered.

  ---

  🛠️ Gentle Tools for Heavy Days

  1. Sacred Breathing

  When emotions surge, use this grounding breath:

  • 🫁 Inhale for 4 counts — invite warmth to fill your lungs
  • ✋ Hold for 4 counts — feel the pause
  • 🌬️ Exhale slowly for 6 counts — release tension
  • Repeat 5–10 times

  This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, bringing calm (Siegel, 2010).

  2. Make a Personal Ritual

  Whether or not you follow a religion, your grief deserves reverence.

  Light a candle. Whisper their name. Make their favorite dish. Write a letter and bury it in the garden. These small acts ground your sorrow in sacred meaning (Romanoff & Terenzio, 1998).

  3. Let the Anger Speak

  Try these normal prompts:

  • “What feels unfair about this season?”
  • “What do I wish I could say to others—or to the person I lost?”
  • “Where does my anger live in my body today?”

  4. Micro-Connections Matter

  Your large circle may be unavailable—but even two people can hold space for your grief. Text a friend: “I’m struggling this week. Can we talk for 10 minutes?”

  Or form a “grief thread”—a private group message with 2–3 safe people to check in during holidays.

  ---

  🕯️ A Sacred Moment, No Religion Required

  Hold something of theirs—a note, a photo, a piece of clothing. Say their name three times. Speak a memory. Let silence follow.

  This silence is not absence. It is a presence. Your grief just became sacred.

  ---

  🌿 Closing Reflection

  You don’t need to pretend. Not today. Not this season.

  Your grief is real. Your story is still unfolding. And your sorrow is not less important just because others are celebrating.

  “If I could honor my grief in one true way this week, what would I do?”

  Write your truth. Breathe. Repeat. You are not alone—even if today feels like it.

  ---

  April 20, 2025

• 

  Why Grief Looks Different for Everyone: Understanding Unique Grief Responses and Finding Your Path to Healing

  “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and the hollow part of your chest.” — Jamie Anderson

  Grief is universal, yet deeply personal. It weaves itself into the fabric of our lives differently for everyone. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a life-altering diagnosis, or the end of a cherished relationship, grief shows up in unexpected ways. Some cry daily, others become numb. Some dive into work, others can’t get out of bed. And that’s okay.

  Why Everyone Grieves Differently

  Grief is shaped by a constellation of factors: the nature of the loss, personality, attachment style, mental health history, support systems, spiritual beliefs, and even cultural upbringing.

  Even within families, two siblings mourning the same parent may have entirely different emotional reactions based on their role in the family, closeness with the deceased, and previous life experiences.

  Grief also varies across time. Someone may feel like they’re coping well, only to be blindsided by a wave of sadness months—or years—later.

  Breaking the Myth of the “Five Stages”

  Modern grief psychology urges us to reject the idea of neat, sequential stages. Instead, grief is nonlinear. You may bounce between emotions, revisit some, or never experience others. And that doesn’t mean you’re grieving wrong.

  Psychological Insights: What the Research Says

  • Resilience is more common than we think. Bonanno and Kaltman (2001) found that many bereaved individuals maintain stable mental health and functioning, experiencing moments of grief without becoming incapacitated by it.
  • We oscillate between loss and restoration. Stroebe, Schut, and Boerner (2017) describe the Dual Process Model, in which grievers alternate between confronting their loss and focusing on everyday life.
  • Making meaning supports healing. Neimeyer, Klass, and Dennis (2014) emphasized that those who engage in meaning-making—like creating rituals, journaling, or telling stories about the deceased—experience deeper, more integrated healing.
  • Grief is not an illness. Therapist Megan Devine reminds us, “Grief is not a problem to be solved; it’s an experience to be carried.”

  Therapeutic Coping Strategies That Honor Individual Grief

  1. Try Expressive Writing

  Backed by: Pennebaker & Beall, 1986

  Writing about your emotions helps process trauma, reduce rumination, and regulate your nervous system.

  Journal Prompt: What would you say to your loved one if you had one more day with them? Write without editing, judgment, or worrying about grammar.

  2. Practice Mindful Breathing

  Mindfulness helps anchor you during moments of emotional overwhelm and physical distress.

  Box Breathing Technique:

  • Inhale for 4 counts
  • Hold for 4 counts
  • Exhale for 4 counts
  • Hold for 4 counts

  Repeat for 3–5 minutes.

  3. Join a Grief Support Group

  Support groups normalize your experience and offer empathy from those who understand.

  Try:

  • GriefShare.org
  • Local hospice or spiritual centers
  • Online forums like Reddit’s r/griefsupport

  4. Engage in Meaning-Making Activities

  Creating something that honors your loss can transform grief into legacy.

  Ideas:

  • Start a memory garden
  • Create an annual tradition
  • Make a scrapbook or photo album
  • Volunteer in your loved one’s name

  Recommended Reading: Kessler, D. (2019). Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief

  Honoring Grief’s Diversity

  There’s no “right way” to mourn. Some people cry every morning. Others throw themselves into work. Some need quiet. Others need company. All of it is valid.

  A Deeper Kind of Healing

  Grief doesn’t end—it evolves. It becomes part of your story, your strength, your soul. Healing after loss means creating space for sorrow and joy to coexist.

  References

  • Bonanno, G. A., & Kaltman, S. (2001). The varieties of grief experience. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(5), 705–734.
  • Jordan, J. R., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2003). Does grief counseling work?. Death Studies, 27(9), 765–786.
  • Neimeyer, R. A., Klass, D., & Dennis, M. R. (2014). A social constructionist account of grief: Loss and the narration of meaning. Death Studies, 38(6), 485–498.
  • Pennebaker, J. W., & Beall, S. K. (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95(3), 274–281.
  • Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473.

  April 16, 2025

• 

  Coping with Grief in the Workplace: How to Heal While Navigating Work Responsibilities

  “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot.” — Jamie Anderson

  Grief doesn’t follow a schedule—and it certainly doesn’t stay at home when you return to work. Whether you’re grieving the death of a loved one, a miscarriage, or another profound loss, the emotional weight can show up in your job in unexpected and difficult ways. If you’re trying to cope with grief while working, you’re not alone—and there is support.

  According to the American Hospice Foundation, grief-related productivity loss in U.S. workplaces amounts to over $75 billion per year. But this figure isn’t just economic—it reflects the human cost of working through loss without proper grief support.

  This article explores how grief manifests in professional life and offers research-based, therapeutic strategies for healing after loss—without sacrificing your emotional wellness or job stability.

  What Grief Looks Like at Work

  Grief affects your body, brain, and behaviors—and this often shows up at work as:

  • Mental fog, forgetfulness, or difficulty concentrating
  • Fatigue or lack of motivation
  • Increased emotional sensitivity or irritability
  • Withdrawal from coworkers or social settings
  • Dread toward tasks you previously enjoyed

  These symptoms are part of the normal grieving process. However, many work environments aren’t designed to support emotional healing. You may feel pressure to “be okay” quickly or fear that vulnerability could harm your performance or reputation.

  What the Research Says: Grief and the Brain

  Grieving isn’t just emotional—it’s neurological. According to neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor (2019), grief activates the brain’s pain and attachment centers, impacting memory, decision-making, and mood regulation. That’s why tasks that used to feel easy can suddenly feel overwhelming.

  Long-term grief that goes unacknowledged can lead to Prolonged Grief Disorder, a clinical condition affecting around 10% of bereaved individuals (Prigerson et al., 2009). Symptoms can include persistent yearning, detachment, and difficulty resuming normal activities.

  Your Rights: Understanding Bereavement Leave

  Bereavement leave policies vary. In the U.S., most companies are not legally required to offer paid leave unless it’s specified in a benefits plan. However, some states (like Oregon or California) do mandate short bereavement leaves.

  Action Tip:

  • Check your employee handbook or talk to HR.
  • Ask about Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) which often include counseling.
  • If you’re uncomfortable sharing details, you can simply say, “I’m grieving a personal loss and would like to request flexible time or support.”

  Therapeutic Coping Strategies for the Workplace

  These strategies, rooted in psychology and grief counseling, can help you cope with grief at work in healthy ways:

  1. Name Your Needs

  Instead of pushing through silently, give your grief space. You can journal before work or text a trusted friend:

  “Today I’m feeling heavy. I need to take it slow.”

  Naming your emotional state activates self-awareness and self-compassion—essential tools for healing (Bonanno & Kaltman, 2001).

  2. Anchor Your Day with Micro-Rituals

  Even in grief, small routines can ground you. Try:

  • Drinking tea from a mug that reminds you of your loved one
  • Taking a walk during your break
  • Lighting a candle when you return home to symbolize reflection

  3. Use Box Breathing to Reset Emotionally

  Inhale (4 seconds) – Hold (4) – Exhale (4) – Hold (4)

  This evidence-based stress technique helps calm anxiety and increase focus. Use it before meetings, emails, or moments of overwhelm.

  4. Journal Prompt for Processing Grief

  Try this after your workday:

  “Right now, I feel… because…”

  Let yourself express the raw truth, without judgment. Writing helps shift emotions from the subconscious to conscious awareness (Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999).

  5. Talk to Someone You Trust

  Consider grief counseling, especially if you’re struggling to function. Therapy can help unpack emotional patterns and reduce the risk of isolation or burnout.

  What About Coworkers? How to Ask for Support (or Space)

  You don’t owe anyone your story—but gentle communication helps avoid misunderstandings. You might say:

  • “I’m managing a personal loss and may be a bit quieter than usual.”
  • “I appreciate your support—I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

  For Employers and Colleagues: Supporting a Grieving Team Member

  If you’re a leader or peer, here’s how you can help someone dealing with grief at work:

  • Acknowledge the loss without forcing conversation
  • Offer flexibility (deadlines, meetings, time off)
  • Avoid clichés like “everything happens for a reason”
  • Provide practical help—take on a task, check in later
  • Encourage use of EAPs or grief resources

  Recommended Resources for Healing After Loss

  • The Grieving Brain – Mary-Frances O’Connor, Ph.D.
  • Bearing the Unbearable – Joanne Cacciatore, Ph.D.
  • Option B – Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant
  • It’s OK That You’re Not OK – Megan Devine

  You Deserve Time to Grieve—Even at Work

  Grief is not weakness. It is love in transition. And love deserves room to breathe—even in boardrooms and break rooms.

  Whether you’re just returning to work or months into navigating loss in the workplace, know this: you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and with the right support, healing is possible.

References

• Bonanno, G. A., & Kaltman, S. (2001). The varieties of grief experience. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(5), 705–734. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0272-7358(00)00062-3
• O’Connor, M.-F. (2019). Grief: A Brief History of Research on How Body, Mind, and Brain Adapt. Psychosomatic Medicine, 81(8), 731–738. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000000717
• Pennebaker, J. W., & Seagal, J. D. (1999). Forming a story: The health benefits of narrative. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55(10), 1243–1254.
• Prigerson, H. G., et al. (2009). Prolonged Grief Disorder: Psychometric Validation of Criteria. PLoS Medicine, 6(8), e1000121. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000121