When a child loses someone they love, it can feel heartbreaking and overwhelming — not only for them but for everyone around them. If you’re wondering how to support a grieving child or how to help a friend who lost a loved one, you’re not alone.
The good news? You don’t need perfect words or professional training. You just need to show up with kindness, patience, and a willingness to listen.
This guide offers evidence-based, compassionate advice for supporting a child after death, along with ideas for helping their family feel seen, loved, and cared for.
Grief in Children: What to Expect at Different Ages
Every child grieves differently — but understanding typical responses can help guide your support.
Toddlers & Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)
- May not understand death is permanent
- Might ask the same questions repeatedly
- Changes in eating, sleeping, clinginess, or tantrums
School-Aged Children (Ages 6-12)
- Begin to grasp death’s finality
- May worry about their own safety or loved ones dying
- Might show sadness, anger, fear, or act “fine”
Teens (Ages 13+)
- Understand the full reality of death
- May express grief through withdrawal, anger, or taking on adult roles
- Often prefer to talk with peers over adults
What To Do (and Not Do) When Supporting a Grieving Child
DO:
- Use honest, clear language (say “died” not “went to sleep”)
- Keep showing up consistently
- Offer practical help (rides, meals, errands)
- Create opportunities for play and creativity
- Encourage stories and memories about their loved one
- Validate all feelings without judgment
DON’T:
- Avoid the subject of the deceased
- Say “I know how you feel” (unless you’ve had the exact loss)
- Pressure them to “be strong” or “move on”
- Say “at least…” anything (minimizing is hurtful)
- Assume quiet = fine (check in gently)
What To Say To a Grieving Child (Instead of “Let Me Know”)
| Instead of… | Try Saying… |
|---|---|
| “Let me know if you need anything.” | “I’m bringing dinner Tuesday — is pizza okay?” |
| “Be strong.” | “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.” |
| “I know how you feel.” | “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.” |
| “Everything happens for a reason.” | “I’m so sorry this happened. I’m here for you.” |
Helping the Grieving Parents
Supporting a grieving child often means supporting their parents too. Simple gestures go a long way:
- Offer childcare for an afternoon
- Drop off groceries or essentials
- Text: “Thinking of you — I’m at the store, can I grab you anything?”
- Remember and mention their loved one’s name often
- Show up on tough dates (birthdays, anniversaries)
Signs a Grieving Child Might Need Professional Help
While many children cope well with loving support, watch for signs they may need grief counseling:
- Persistent trouble sleeping or eating
- Panic attacks or nightmares
- Withdrawing from friends or family
- Aggressive behavior
- Talk of wanting to die or be with the deceased
- Decline in school performance
Helpful Activities for Grieving Kids
- Memory boxes or photo albums
- Drawing or writing letters to their loved one
- Reading age-appropriate grief books together
- Creating a ritual like lighting a candle
- Planting a tree or flower in memory
One Extra Tip: Show Up Long After Everyone Else Has Stopped
Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Many grieving kids and families feel forgotten weeks or months later.
Set a reminder on your calendar for:
- 1 month later
- 3 months later
- 6 months later
- The loved one’s birthday
- The anniversary of their death
Even a simple text — “Thinking of you today” — can be a powerful gift.
Shareable Encouragement
“Helping a grieving child isn’t about fixing their pain. It’s about walking beside them so they don’t feel alone in it.”
Share this guide with friends, teachers, or anyone wondering how to support someone grieving. Together, we can be the kindness that carries a grieving family through their darkest days.
References
- Child Mind Institute. (n.d.). Helping children deal with grief. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/helping-children-deal-grief/
- Dougy Center. (n.d.). How to help a grieving child. Retrieved from https://www.dougy.org/resource-articles/how-to-help-a-grieving-child-1
- HelpGuide.org. (n.d.). Helping someone who’s grieving. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving
- Mayo Clinic Health System. (n.d.). Supporting children through times of grief. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/do-children-grieve
Solviah 
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